Retirement Cookies -- Smoke Gets in My Eyes

These three survivors of batch number four still
weren't chew-able but did come in handy for leveling a shelf

Never eat the first batch of retirement cookies. Do not feed them to your dog (or the vet, for that matter). Do not throw out; call your local bomb-disposal unit. Having said that, let me add: Don't give up. I didn't, and it all worked out. Consider my recipe for success...

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees (preferably Fahrenheit)
2. Collect ingredients: 1 cup peanut butter, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup Splenda, 2 egg whites, 1 tsp baking soda (not powder), 1/2 tsp vanilla (extract, not beans)
3. Dump in bowl, smash well, making sure to spray evenly on flooring, walls and counter tops.
4. Put in oven until smoke alarms go off.
5. Call sister you rarely speak to. Beg for help. 
6. Bake batch after batch until one meets standards of American Dental Association.
6. Stack perfect cookies on large plate.
7. Say, "Of course, do you think I'm an idiot?" every time your spouse asks, "Did you really make these yourself?"

So, not only did I bake somewhat edible retirement cookies, today. I also learned that baking is nothing more than a combination of chemistry, heat, a patient sister, an incredulous wife and the ability to lie through one's teeth. Try it. It makes a tasty retirement treat.