Retiring -- A Piece at a Time

I had the wrong idea about retirement. I thought I’d be employed one day, and completely retired the next. But it turns out that I'm retiring a piece at a time. There are parts of me -- ankles, elbows, liver, nose, etc. -- that are on the beach, enjoying the view, so to speak. But there are other pieces that still go to work every day. Worst of all, my head -- it still wakes up thinking about the office ventilation problems, my wobbly chair, bad coffee, a shifting desktop and who’s bringing the bagels.  The key to getting my head to retire, I decided, was to get out of my comfort zone – stretch my mind, do something abnormal, go a little crazy. So I went to IKEA.

 What an unusual day. I lunched on a smoked salmon while, 50 feet away, a woman bought a bathroom sink. I learned how a human being could live in 180 square feet (which I had already learned in college, although not yet completely human). And I bought wire shelving that (the box promised) would support an aircraft carrier and could be put together in 30 minutes – if I were a nuclear physicist. Unfortunately, I'm not a nuclear anything and the assembly has eaten up my the day and all of my patience. But I’m a retiree… I have the rest of my life to figure out how parts 1A and 6C connect rod-F to rack-4.

 So, getting into new adventures is working -- I hear my mind saying good-bye to office routines. I think my head is going to retire sometime soon and join the rest of me. Maybe I’ll throw myself another party.